Jewish Family Service of Metrowest
Continuing Connections
September 2007
In This Issue
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Dear Lauren,

Welcome to the September edition of the Continuing Connections newsletter. We hope you all had wonderful summers. For many, September means "back to school" and in recognition of this time of year we have included pieces that help us think about how we prepare our kids (and ourselves) for a new year of school.

A big Welcome Home! to Olivia Elizabeth Willow Day (born 9/3/07). Olivia came home to Mom and Dad, Lori and Rich Day, and big sister Gattie on 9/10/07.

Thank you to the families of Gattie and Olivia Day, Katie Gregory, Oscar and Max Loeb, Olivia Pierce, Allison White, and Liam Walsh for sharing their photos with us. All of your pictures help to make our newsletters so personal and inviting. - Lucia and Gail

Katie first day
- by Gail Gregory

     August comes to a close, and September brings yet another school year. I've spent the summer trying to absorb the incredible fact that my daughter Katie starts 4th grade this year. While we try on shoes and clothes and stock up on school supplies, memories of other first days of school flood my brain.
     Katie's very first day of school was September 11, 2001. I dropped her off at her preschool around 9:00 on that Tuesday morning. I went to the "Y" to exercise and got a call on my cell phone shortly after I arrived. I thought, "She's been in school for all of 20 minutes. What could she have done already?" Instead, it was my husband Mike calling from Logan airport assuring me that he was okay. I had no idea why he was calling until he filled me in on the unfolding disaster of the day. I wanted to scoop Katie up and hold her tight but remembered I had brought her to school that morning - for the first time she was out of hugging range. It seemed like such an awful day for a child's school career to begin.
      Katie's second year of preschool was at a different school. I remember waiting with her in the car for the afternoon session to begin. As I watched the playground full of children running and playing, a feeling of dread passed over me. What had I done? She was going to the afternoon program of a school where some children went all day. Katie would need to enter a game already in progress - something I could never have done as a child and honestly don't really enjoy as an adult. But my exuberant, energetic wonder of a child saw the children playing and said "Mom! That's my class! They're playing football! I'm so good at football! I need to go!" All of 4 years old, never having held a football in her life, she bounded from that car and didn't looked back. This year, I thought, will be okay. And it was. Her teacher returned her to the car three hours later declaring her to be "a fabulous kid who had a fabulous day."
     We've had four first days of school since those days. They have varied over the years, none as awful as the first or as "fabulous" as the second. In spite of their differences, they do all have something in common. I leave Katie at school feeling butterflies as big as rocket ships careening around in my stomach. Katie, on the other hand, bursts out of the car and responds to my "Have a great day, my love" with "I will, Mom!"
     Our approach to leaving each other on school's first day is just one example of something that comes easy to Katie and does not come easy to me. Making friends out of strangers, trying new things all on her own, memorizing dance steps, climbing as high as she can - those are Katie's strengths, not mine. Memorizing math facts and devouring books are my strengths, not hers. One of our challenges as parents is to remember that our children are not carbon copies of us. This is a fact, whether the child was born to you, as some children are or born to someone else, as my child was. My child's experiences will not be the same as mine, nor should they be. I finished 4th grade; it's Katie's turn now.
      Can someone just remind me of this now that the first homework assignments are coming in?

Olivia Pierce
     Fall brings shorter days, football, Halloween and school work. Some assignments can bring stress and tears to any child (and his/her parents!), but there are certain assignments that are particularly challenging for a child who joined their family by adoption.
     Assignments such as timelines beginning at birth, requests for baby pictures, or autobiographies can require information that's not available to some children. Projects about genetics, studies of other countries, or family trees can highlight differences that a child might not be ready to bring attention to or to share with others.
     Your reaction as a parent should depend on your child's age and their personality. Children in pre- school and early elementary school may enjoy having you visit the classroom to do an adoption presentation. Children in later elementary years may not want you to come into their classroom but may appreciate your help in talking to the teacher about the assignment. By middle school and high school, your job is to provide support to your child as they the address the situation directly with their teacher.
     Any interaction with the school should be in a respectful, cooperative manner. Try to understand the motivation behind an assignment and offer an alternative rather than demanding a project be dropped completely. For instance, a timeline may be assigned to illustrate how to chart historical events. Alternatives could be to start the timeline at some point in the past (not necessarily birth), let your child decide what types of significant events to include, or create a fictional character's timeline.
     Regardless of the approach you take, support the way your child chooses to do an assignment. Also use these situations as opportunities for family discussions and teachable moments. With younger children, these assignments may stimulate questions or feelings they have about their adoption story. Acknowledge that you also wish you had pictures from when he or she was a baby or you wish you had been there when he or she was born. With older children, opportunities to discuss the difference between "mean" comments and ignorance may also present themselves.
     For additional help with school assignments, visit www.adoptivefamilies.com/school.

Max
The kids at the Woodrow Wilson Elementary School in Framingham are going back to school and JFS of Metrowest is gearing up to greet them!

Third and fourth graders who attend the Wilson School are eligible to participate in The Wilson All Stars, an extended-day homework tutoring program. On Monday and Tuesday afternoons, staff and volunteers work with the third and fourth graders to improve the students' academic performance, communication skills and self-confidence. Designed and staffed by JFS of Metrowest and sponsored by United Way of Tri-County and private donors, the All Stars program is a proven success at reducing achievement gaps.

Program staff, interns and volunteers become important role models and forge rewarding relationships working with these children. Volunteers are currently needed to offer academic support to these third and fourth graders. If you have time on Monday or Tuesday afternoons, please call or e-mail Diana O'Brien, Volunteer Coordinator at JFS/MW, at 508-875-3100 or dobrien@jfsmw.org .

Liam Walsh
The Davis Farmland Picnic will be held on September 30th. Please join us (and Dale and Raquel of course!) at Davis Farmland in Sterling, MA. Hope to see you there!

Parents' Groups
We have two parents' groups each month (typically one on Thursday afternoons and another on Wednesday evenings). Check your emails for our October dates. If you have any questions contact Lucia at lcarballo@jfsmw.org.

UPCOMING WORKSHOPS
Unless otherwise noted, all workshops are held at JFS of Metrowest, 475 Franklin Street, Suite 101, Framingham, MA. Unless other contact information is listed, please contact Dale at deldridge@jfsmw.org or call Raquel at (508) 875-3100 for more information or to register.

International Adoption Options: how to do it, where to go
China, Vietnam, Thailand, Russia, Ethiopia, India, Colombia, Guatemala
Monday, October 1st from 7 - 9 p.m. Presenter: Kate Ingalls Maloney, Children's Home Society & Family Services. CHSFS is widely recognized as one of the finest international adoption agencies in the country.

Love and Limits Explore your style of parenting, learn why children do the things they do and how to positively change behaviors. Parents will gain a clear understanding of their own expectations for their children and many strategies for helping their children achieve these expectations. For parents with children 2-7 years of age.
Tuesday, October 9th from 7-8:30 pm. Presenter: Mindee Meltzer, LCSW, EdM. If you're interested in attending, contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org.

Adoption 101
A group for adoptive grandparents, aunts and uncles
Saturday, October 20th from 10 am - 12 pm. Presenters: Raquel Woodard and Joan Clark *Note: held at ACONE (Adoption Community of New England, 45 Lyman Street, #2 S. Terrace, Westborough)

The Myths and Truths about Pre-Natal Drug and Alcohol use on Fetal Development
Monday, October 22nd from 7:30 - 9:30 p.m. Presenter: Barbara Morse, Ph.D.

Diversity Matters
A two-session group for transracial adoptive families and their extended family members
Wednesday, November 7th and Wednesday, November 14th from 7 - 9 pm.
Presenters: Lori Miller and Deborah Haynor

Waiting Parents Support Group
Meet with other families who are also in the "waiting" stage of their adoption process. This group is a great opportunity for connecting and sharing with one another. Talk, listen, learn and laugh in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. Families who have completed the home study process, and who are now waiting for their placement, are welcome to attend. Please contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org if you are interested in being part of this group.

ACTIVITIES TAKING PLACE ELSEWHERE
Together in Motion
Adoptive Family Mixer at the Together in Motion kids tumble gym and adult exercise studio in Arlington. The mixer will be held each Monday morning from 9:30 am - 11:00 am. $5.00 per child. For more information call 781-643-1377 or visit www.togetherinmotion.com.

First Connections
Emerson Hospital, Route 2, Concord. 978-287-0221 or email mrowlinson@jri.org.
Monthly Education and Support Program: For parents of adopted children age 3+. Meets the third Thursday monthly, 7-9 p.m. Please R.S.V.P.

The Rainbow Connection Playgroup
St. Joseph Parish Center, 145 Holliston St., Medway. 508-533-5820.
Meets third Thursday monthly - 9:15 - 10:45 a.m. For parents and their children looking to make meaningful connections with others raising minority children in the suburbs.
Allison
Day family
Since 1982, Adoption Choices, a non-profit, licensed adoption program, has been providing Massachusetts families with comprehensive adoption services. Our program is designed to meet the needs of the adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees by providing a wide range of educational and counseling services. For more information, please visit our website at: Adoption Choices of JFS/MW

Please send us comments and suggestions; we want this to be your newsletter. Let us know about books, movies, etc. you think others would enjoy. Keep us informed of adoption/family related events in your area and we'd be happy to share them. Forward this email to friends, family and colleagues by using the "forward me" link at the bottom of the page. We would like to thank Dale Eldridge and Raquel Woodard for contributing to this issue.

Sincerely,

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Lucia Carballo and Gail Gregory
Jewish Family Service of Metrowest

phone: 508-875-3100