Jewish Family Service of Metrowest
Continuing Connections
May/June 2008
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Greetings,

Welcome to the May/June edition of the Continuing Connections newsletter. Our personal story for this edition was sent to us by Linda and Jeff Lischer. Thank you Linda and Jeff! Thank you to the families of Katie Gregory, Scott Joyce, Maggie Lischer, and Lily Aisenberg, for sharing their photos with us.

- Lucia and Gail

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Our Story by Linda and Jeff Lischer

When we tell people our adoption story, we like to say that we hit the jackpot in Las Vegas! It's our way of expressing how happy and lucky we feel to have brought home our wonderful daughter Maggie from Las Vegas.

We were matched in late December 2004 and heard that the baby was due mid-February. Ok, we've got 6 weeks to prepare, totally feasible. Then Raquel called. The baby might need to be induced next week. Um, ok, 1 week to prepare. Babies 'R Us, here we come! In the end, we had 3 weeks of excited shopping and baby room decorating before getting "the call."

Remember the Blizzard of 2005? That's when Maggie was born! When we got the call, all the area airports were closed. For a few moments we actually considered driving to Las Vegas, we wanted to get there so badly to be part of Maggie's birth. But, when we thought about it more calmly, we realized it just wasn't feasible. So we flew out the next day and were able to meet baby Maggie, 1-1/2 days old.

Before going in to see Maggie, we had the opportunity to meet her birthmom. The big hug she gave us when we came into her room was a wonderful surprise, because we had been told initially that she might not be up for meeting us. We shared stories and laughs, and afterwards ran down to the cafeteria to write them all down so we could share them with Maggie when she's older.

The most precious story Maggie's birthmom told us was that she wanted me, as Maggie's Mom, to be the first person to hold Maggie. So for a day and a half, she had gone to Maggie's crib, rubbed her little feet, and talked to her. But she had waited to pick her up until after I had a chance to hold her. I will remember that forever as one of the most loving gestures anyone has ever done for me and Maggie.

The nurses in the hospital were wonderful and each one taught us helpful tips for caring for Maggie. After 5 days, Maggie was released from the hospital and we took her "home" to our hotel. We got into the swing of her feeding schedule and awaited Raquel's call to let us know we could fly home.

We ended up staying in Las Vegas for 17 days, considerably longer than the expected 7-10 days. Each day, Raquel would call and say, "I can't believe that you haven't been approved to fly home yet, but I'm SURE you'll be approved tomorrow." And then tomorrow would come, and Raquel would call and say, "I can't believe ___"

To this day we don't know why it took so long to be approved, but looking back, we really appreciate that precious time we had to bond as a family.

Lily Aisenberg Trapeze
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew:
Ideas borrowed from Sherrie Eldridge's book (no relation to Dale) and modified by Raquel and Dale:
1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted, and you are not responsible for my sadness about it.
2. I need to be taught that I have unique needs arising from adoption loss, and I need not be ashamed of them. Please talk about this with me from time to time.
3. If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you or others, or attach emotionally, may be somewhat hindered. (Grieving brings healing).
4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption, and please validate them.
6. Just because I don't talk about my birth family doesn't mean that I don't think about them.
7. Please take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family.
8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history no matter how painful or difficult the details might be. (Very difficult information should only be shared at age appropriate times in your child's development).
9. I am afraid that I was "given away" by my birth mother because I was a "bad baby." I need you to help me not feel ashamed.
10. I am afraid that you too will abandon me. (This is the universal fantasy for all adoptees).
11. I may appear more whole than I actually am. I need your help in putting the missing pieces of myself together so I can develop my independent identity and a positive sense of myself. (This is especially crucial in adolescence).
12. I need to develop a sense of personal power.
13. Please do not say that I look or act just like you, because I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences, as well as our similarities.
14. Let me be my own person, but don't let me cut myself off from you.
15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption and, when I am old enough to ask, don't tell other people my story without my consent.
16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.
17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.
18. I am afraid that sometimes my adoption issues may be too much for you to handle.
19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me and respond wisely.
20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family (or visit my birth country) I will always want you to be my parents.

Katie Gregory Halloween
On Sunday, May 4th, a crowd of 350 people enjoyed a fun-filled evening of great food and entertainment while attending the 18th "Seas the Dream" event. This annual event is the primary fundraiser for JFS of Metrowest.

The theme for this year was "Dreams we help create. Dreams we help fulfill." We thought you might like to read a copy of one of the speeches from the night, a speech about the dream of becoming a mother. The text follows:

Good Evening. My name is Gail Gregory. I am a Program Specialist at JFS. Like many of you, my current job title is just one of many I have held in my life. I have been a Computer Trainer and an HR person to name only a few. But of all my titles, the one of which I am most proud is "Mama" and it was given to me by a girl named Katie.

The title "Mama" didn't come as easily as I had assumed it would. For a time, it seemed it was a dream destined to remain beyond my grasp - until one fateful day in January of 1997, when my husband Mike and I met the two women who would ultimately change our lives. On that day, we walked in the door at JFS for the very first time and met Dale Eldridge and Raquel Woodard. They were hosting an informational meeting about adoption which we, thankfully, attended. After that meeting, we knew we had finally found the right people to help us.

And for the next year, help us they did. With their assistance, we created a booklet of pictures and words to represent our lives. This booklet ultimately became the most important job application we had ever completed, because it was designed to help potential birth parents decide if they wanted us to be the adoptive parents for their child.

During that year, Mike and I continued going to group meetings led by Dale and Raquel. One of the highlights was seeing babies and children come home to their forever families. We were happy for those new families but, as time wore on, we wondered when it would be our turn. And on Valentine's Day in 1998 that turn finally came. On that day, we learned we had been chosen by a teenager in California to be the parents of her soon-to-be-born baby girl.

Suddenly, after so much waiting and hoping, we had two months, instead of nine, to prepare for our baby's arrival. Imagine the whirlwind of excitement and panic until we received another call on April 13th telling us Katie was about to be born. We frantically made flight and hotel arrangements and grabbed our bags and actually arrived in the delivery room in California in time to witness her birth. Mike cut the cord. And I held my baby. I looked her in the eyes and said, "Your name is Katie."

Although it was a while before she said it out loud, I know she was thinking, "And your name is Mama."

Katie just turned ten and she is a beautiful girl. I defy you to find the shade blue of her eyes in any other place in this world.

But it is her beautiful spirit that is most remarkable. She is a fierce defender of her friends and an ardent protector of the truth. She loves the earth and every living creature on it; well, except for spiders and who can really blame her for that? Although she's a "big" girl now, she assures Mike and I that she will always be our baby. She'll never be to old to hold our hands. And yes, at the advice of more experienced parents, I do have those promises recorded.

And that's our story. Our story of how JFS made our dreams come true. Over the years, I've been lucky enough to meet many families with similar dreams, dreams that Dale, Raquel, and JFS turned into a reality.

Those families were my only connection to JFS until Seas the Dream 2006. Some fellow adoptive moms and I worked on the auction that year and were invited to the Annual Meeting. I walked into Temple Beth Am on that May evening curious; I walked out deeply moved. I saw a family of Russian immigrants that JFS had helped assimilate to America. They stood before us that night as American citizens. I saw teenagers being recognized for their contributions in helping vulnerable children in an afterschool program.

And I realized that JFS helps fulfill dreams of many types to many different people. Dreams that are just as important to them as mine had been to me. And I knew then and there, I needed to be a part of it. And now I wear my two titles proudly: Program Specialist at JFS and Mama and I thank the organization that gave them both to me. And I thank all of you, for your commitment to this agency, on behalf of all of us, whose dreams JFS has helped come true.

Scott Joyce
Parents' Groups
Join us for one of our parents' groups:
Day Group - meets at JFS, 475 Franklin Street, Suite 101, Framingham
Evening Group -meets at Starbucks in Framingham (near Whole Foods) from 7 - 9 pm
Relax with other adoptive parents, Lucia, and Gail as we share stories, questions and enjoy each other's company. Any questions? Contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org Watch your email for specific dates.

ACTIVITIES TAKING PLACE ELSEWHERE
Korean Adoption Circle Playgroup
For families who have adopted from Korea. Korean Presbyterian Church, 2 Main Street, Hopkinton. Meets first and third Fridays of every month -- 10 a.m. - noon. $1 donation per child.
Together in Motion
Adoptive Family Mixer at the Together in Motion kids tumble gym and adult exercise studio in Arlington. The mixers are held each Monday morning from 9:30 am - 11:00 am. $5.00 per child. For more information call 781-643-1377 or visit www.togetherinmotion.com
The Rainbow Connection Playgroup St. Joseph Parish Center, 145 Holliston St., Medway. 508-533-5820 Meets third Tuesday of every month - 9:15 - 10:45 a.m. For parents and their children looking to make meaningful connections with others raising minority children in the suburbs.
Since 1982, Adoption Choices, a non-profit, licensed adoption program, has been providing Massachusetts families with comprehensive adoption services. Our program is designed to meet the needs of the adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees by providing a wide range of educational and counseling services. For more information, please visit our website at: Adoption Choices of JFS/MW

Please send us comments and suggestions; we want this to be your newsletter. Let us know about books, movies, etc. you think others would enjoy. Keep us informed of adoption/family related events in your area and we'd be happy to share them.

Forward this email to friends, family and colleagues by using the "forward me" link at the bottom of the page.

We would like to thank the following people who contributed to this issue: Linda and Jeff Lischer, Dale Eldridge, and Raquel Woodard.

Sincerely,

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Lucia Carballo and Gail Gregory
Jewish Family Service of Metrowest