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"Well, now that
you've adopted, I'm sure you'll get pregnant!" "Are you ever worried that his/her real mother will take him back?" "I really admire you; I don't think I could love another person's child as much as one of my own." "I've heard adoption is expensive. How much did he/she cost?" "He/she is so lucky that you came along!" "What kind of person just gives their child away?" The list of shocking comments can go on and on. They are difficult to hear from strangers, but they are even harder to hear from family and friends. Family and friends are supposed to support us in our decisions - not cause us pain. More importantly, as people who are central figures in your child's life, you don't want their insensitive remarks to hurt your child. Begin by understanding that most of their remarks come from a lack of education, not malice. Think back to before you began your adoption journey and realize how much you have learned along the way. Their ignorance of the adoption process may make them afraid for you - afraid that continued contact with a birth family puts your family at risk, afraid of unknown medical issues, etc. It can also make them afraid for themselves, afraid to attach to a child if they fear he/she may not be part of your family forever. It's also important to acknowledge that grandparents may be grieving the loss of a genetic grandchild. Use each remark as an opportunity to educate. Be sure to speak up at the time and not save up the comments until you reach a boiling point. It is best to keep the discussion short and to the point and be gentle in your explanation. Acknowledge to yourself that many people's knowledge about adoption is acquired through sensational media reports. In response to comments about loving a child who is not your "own," simply respond that "Janie is my own child." To remarks that refer to "real parents," you can respond "I assume you mean Sam's birth parents?" Questions concerning fears of losing your child to his/her birthparents can be answered with "We are Sally's family according to the law." You can offer other ways to educate family members or friends who seem receptive. Take them to the ODS conference. Have them talk to other grandparents or other extended family members who have personal experience with adoption. Get them a subscription to a newsletter or magazine. As these family members or friends become more educated, they can be ambassadors to other important people in your lives. Many thanks to our morning parents' group for their suggestion of this month's topic. Please contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org with questions or ideas for future columns. | ||||
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Love and
Limits Learn practical solutions to discipline in this 1 1/2 hour
workshop. "Love and Limits" provides the opportunity to explore your style
of parenting, why children do the things they do and how to positively
change behaviors. Parents will gain a clear understanding of their own
expectations for their children and many strategies for helping their
children achieve these expectations. They will also learn positive and
effective tools that strengthen families. For parents with children 2-7
years of age. Presented by Mindee Meltzer, LCSW, EdM. This workshop is planned for a Thursday evening in October here at JFS of Metrowest. We would like to get a sense of the level of interest before we set an actual date. Please contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org if you would like to attend. Together in Motion Adoptive Family Mixer at the Together in Motion kids tumble gym and adult exercise studio in Arlington. The mixer will be held each Monday morning from 9:30 am - 11:00 am. $5.00 per child. For more information call 781-643-1377 or visit www.togetherinmotion.com. Parents' Groups Our parents' groups are the perfect opportunity to meet and chat with other adoptive parents. We usually meet twice a month - once on a weekday and once on a weeknight. Check your emails for upcoming dates. If you have any questions contact Lucia at lcarballo@jfsmw.org. Waiting Parents Have you completed the pre-adoptive parent group but have not yet welcomed home your child? Are you interested in staying connected while you wait? Contact Lucia at lcarballo@jfsmw.org or Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org and we will work with Dale and Raquel on forming a group that suits your needs. Foster Families Needed! We're looking for foster families to provide short-term (1-4 weeks) care for infants. You will be reimbursed for board and care ($35 daily plus baby supplies). Criteria: 1. There's an at-home parent in the family. 2. Not currently involved in the adoption process. 3. Home-Study Update will be done by Adoption Choices at no cost to you (includes references, medical exams, and CORI). Please call Raquel Woodard at 508-875-3100 for more information. | ||
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Over 425 supporters
and leaders from the Metrowest and Greater Boston communities came out to
Seas the Dream on April 29. Transforming lives and the community,
raising the bar with bigger ideas and larger impacts will be Jewish Family
Service of Metrowest's quest as evidenced in the remarks made by both the
honorees, Aron and Susan Ain, and Executive Director, Marc Jacobs. "Our
journey is not just to build our community, but to transform it. to make
it better, every day" highlighted remarks from Marc. An invitation for
community members to participate, to be authentically engaged in the
journey was emphasized. As Aron Ain so graciously said, "the true honor
you can bestow on me is to become personally involved with the future of
Jewish Family Service of Metrowest."
Robin Welch, Principal of the Woodrow Wilson Elementary School in Framingham, spoke with passion about the unique partnership that is reducing achievement and social gaps for the community's most vulnerable young school age children. Ryan Meltzer, age 13, spoke about the Kesher 13 program, an award-winning program focused on connecting pre-Bar/Bat Mitzvah youth with elders in nursing homes and assisted-living facilities. And Malcolm Herman, 81 years young, brought the crowd to tears and cheers. Matched through JFS/MW's Friendly Visitor program, Aron (this year's honoree) and Malcolm have been seeing each other on a regular basis for five years. As Malcolm stated in his speech to Aron, " You've inspired me to give back to the community too, because thanks to your example, I became a friendly visitor as well. I visit Robert, a bedridden local Framingham resident. Just as you've showed me how, we've become fast friends. Thank you, Jewish Family Service of Metrowest, for blessing my life with my own friendly friend..and Aron, I consider you my brother." The message to people throughout Metrowest was clearly stated. Jewish Family Service of Metrowest is open, inviting and driven to have compelling impacts. | ||
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For kids
www.adoptionclubhouse.org For parents www.adoptivefamilies.com odsacone.org www.adoptnet.org www.fwcc.org www.fruanewe ngland.org Send us your favorite websites and resources! | ||
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Since 1982, Adoption
Choices, a non-profit, licensed adoption program, has been providing
Massachusetts families with comprehensive adoption services. Our program
is designed to meet the needs of the adoptive parents, birth parents, and
adoptees by providing a wide range of educational and counseling services.
For more information, please visit our website at:http://www.jfsmw.org | ||
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