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They Keep You Young - We Hope! by Annette Joseph My husband and I were married almost 11 years ago at the young age of 35 and 40 years (me being 40 of course!). We wanted a little marital bliss so we waited a good three months before trying to conceive a child. We spent very little time letting nature take its course and almost immediately began the fertility work-up. We found out the probability of becoming pregnant was very low. At age 42 and 37, we decided to forego the medicine and science and begin our family through adoption. The education and decisions began. After about a year of research we chose Adoption Choices and began the process of domestic adoption. So now at age 43 and 38, we were finally going to become parents. We were full of energy and could not wait, but that is what we did. We waited and waited for two more years (which is a whole other story) with many disappointments before our wonderful daughter came home. We would get discouraged, and so many people would say, "Your baby has not been born yet." We did not believe this until the day she was born, and we held Maria in our arms. As every day passes and she develops her personality, we see that there is no way she was not meant for us. When Maria was two years old we decided we would love to have another child. In the interest of time, we chose international adoption assuming the process would be shorter and hopefully by age 48 and 43, we would have a second child. When the international process was prolonged, we decided we were getting too old and abandoned our hopes of having a second child. This decision turned out to be short-lived. Just a few weeks after making this decision, we received one of those infamous telephone calls while on vacation that only Raquel can make. She told us there was a baby in Las Vegas who would be born in a few weeks and would we be interested? So at age 48 and 43 we brought our son John (Jack) home. A new mom at 48 did not seem too bad. I still had some energy. What were we thinking? Forty-eight and a newborn did not seem bad but now I'm 50 and have a two-year- old boy, no less! Don't get me wrong - being an older parent has many blessings, but there are also many situations I am finding quite amusing. For instance, I am a member of AARP and have a two-year old! Not long ago I had gout and I have a two-year old! I have hot flashes and I have a two-year old! In August my daughter was trying on new fall school clothes for kindergarten and she was hot. She informed me she was having a hot flash. I thought, she is going to go to kindergarten and say this to her teacher and the teacher will say, "How old is your mother?" I need my glasses or longer arms to read my children bedtime stories! And just recently the inevitable did happen - my son was in a grocery cart made for kids and we bumped into a similar cart with a child in it. The woman pushing the cart who looked only a few years older than me was with her grandchild, and said, "It must be Grandma's day out." All I can say is it is a good thing my husband is younger than me. There is no greater blessing than being a parent at any age! | ||||
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You may recall
hearing about Lifebooks as part of the Waiting Parent's workshops series
here at Adoption Choices. The idea of creating a book for a child that had
not yet become part of your life probably didn't reach the top of your "to
do" list. When your child arrived, the day-to-day demands of parenting may
have consumed that "to do" list entirely. You vaguely remembered that
Lifebooks were important and would certainly get to it some day. Days came
and went, followed by months and perhaps even years. Now it's too late,
and you don't have the time, and it's not really that important, is
it? First of all, it's never too late. Secondly, this book does not need to be submitted to an art gallery. Thirdly, yes it is really that important. It helps a child who has joined their family by adoption understand his/her past, present, and future. It provides a way for children to access their own history. It helps children avoid using denial and fantasy by giving accurate answers. It helps children understand the reasons why they have been separated from their birth parents and reinforces they are not the cause of that separation. It is an excellent tool to talk about the past and can jumpstart conversations with your children. The hardest part with many projects is actually getting started. You may have found the Lifebook to be difficult to start. Start with a description of the day you met your son or daughter. Gather photos and memorabilia together. Pick a photo and write some short text to accompany it. Once you've actually started, momentum may kick in and you'll find it easier going. We've also heard people wonder about how to address negative information in the Lifebook in an age-appropriate way. It's never okay to lie but there are ways to allow the details of the story to grow as the child does. One way is to use flaps and have more detailed information behind the flap or tucked away in an envelope. As the child gets older, the details from behind the flap or in the envelope can flesh out the story. Other difficulties parents encounter is when information is incomplete or missing altogether. Again, do not lie but provide the information you do have. You may not know the details of your child's birth but you may know where they lived from age 2 months on. The materials you use for the Lifebook can be as unique as your family. The artistically-inclined family may indeed have a book suitable for a museum but don't let unrealistic standards prevent you from creating a book at all. A three-ring binder with plastic page inserts can make a wonderful Lifebook. The Adoptive Families website www.adoptivefamilies.com/scrapbooks has many other ideas and resources. Make creating your child's Lifebook your resolution for 2008! Also, Dale and Raquel can be a resource. You are in luck because they plan on doing an International Lifebook group and a Domestic Lifebook group in the spring of 2008! | ||
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Citizenship for
New Americans Program (CNAP)
Through a grant from the Massachusetts Office of Refugees and Immigrants and a partnership with the Framingham Schools Department, JFS of Metrowest is connecting with immigrants who would like to become citizens of the United States. The citizenship process can be daunting and overwhelming. JFS of Metrowest's staff members and volunteers provide case management to help answer questions about the citizenship process, help clients fill out and submit their applications and all necessary documents and assist clients prepare for their interviews. Participants in this program all live in the Metrowest area and hail from Antigua, Armenia, Belarus, Bolivia, Brazil, Cameroon, Canada, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Greece, Guatemala, Haiti, Honduras, Iraq, Israel, Mexico, Nigeria, Poland, Russia, South Africa, Ukraine, and Vietnam. We are so proud to announce that, in the past three months alone, 17 participants of the CNAP program became U.S. Citizens. We would like to acknowledge the dedication and hard work that these individuals put into studying and preparing for their interviews. | ||
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Parents'
Groups
Join us for one of our parents' groups: Day Group - meets at JFS, 475 Franklin Street, Suite 101, Framingham Evening Group -meets at Starbucks in Framingham (near Whole Foods) from 7 - 9 pm Relax with other adoptive parents, Lucia, and Gail as we share stories, questions and enjoy each other's company. Any questions? Contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org. Watch your email for specific dates. Waiting Parents Support Group Meet with other families who are also in the "waiting" stage of their adoption process. We are considering forming a group to talk, listen, learn and laugh in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. Families who have completed the home study process, and who are now waiting for their placement, are welcome to attend. Please contact Gail at ggregory@jfsmw.org if you are interested in being part of this group. ACTIVITIES TAKING PLACE ELSEWHERE Korean Adoption Circle Playgroup For families who have adopted from Korea. Korean Presbyterian Church, 2 Main Street, Hopkinton. Meets the first and third Fridays of every month from 10 a.m. - noon. $1 donation per child. Together in Motion Adoptive Family Mixer at the Together in Motion kids tumble gym and adult exercise studio in Arlington. The mixers are held each Monday morning from 9:30 am - 11:00 am. $5.00 per child. For more information call 781-643-1377 or visit www.togetherinmotion.com. The Rainbow Connection Playgroup St. Joseph Parish Center, 145 Holliston St., Medway. 508-533-5820 Meets third Tuesday of every month - 9:15 - 10:45 a.m. For parents and their children looking to make meaningful connections with others raising minority children in the suburbs. | ||
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For kids
http://www.adoptionclubhouse.org/ For parents http://www.adoptivefamilies.com http://odsacone.org/ http://www.adoptnet.org http://www.fwcc.org www.fruanewengland.org http://www.adoptioninstitute.org Send us your favorite websites and resources! | ||
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Since 1982, Adoption
Choices, a non-profit, licensed adoption program, has been providing
Massachusetts families with comprehensive adoption services. Our program
is designed to meet the needs of the adoptive parents, birth parents, and
adoptees by providing a wide range of educational and counseling services.
For more information, please visit our website at: Adoption
Choices of JFS/MW
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Please send us comments and suggestions; we want this
to be your newsletter. Let us know about books, movies, etc. you think
others would enjoy. Keep us informed of adoption/family related events in
your area and we'd be happy to share them.
Sincerely,
 Lucia Carballo and Gail Gregory Jewish Family Service of Metrowest email: lcarballo@jfsmw.org
phone: 508-875-3100
web: http://www.jfsmw.org |
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